Circus U

My girlfriend and I have a deal. When I meet people she has any association with they are not informed of our relationship up front. It works better that way. It makes living the dirty secrets of my life less complicated. In return I follow her advice in the other parts of my life without question.

Sometimes I hate the deal.

Like when I ended up in Women’s Studies. First year, first day, first damn class. Stupid deal.

I knew professor Kirst was insane when I walked into the class. In her three tone muumuu, hipster glasses, and wild hair she looked ready for Woodstock. Her voice was nasally and repellent. As if all of that weren’t bra burning hippie enough, she wore a homemade perfume composed of equal parts patchouli, red wine, and body odor. It was going to be a long semester.

So she sat us down in a “drum circle” and presented her getting to know you exercise. The class was small enough. I guess I’m not the only one that thought the subject was outdated and the name not at all politically correct. Anyway, she got us set up like a kindergarten class and introduced her ice breaking exercise. At least that part would prepare me for corporate America. She told us her script and where to fill in. I was on her left and it never got past me.

“Wait a minute, wait one minute.” Kirst whined in her migraine inducing tone. I already hated her.

“Yes professor?”

“Okay… your name is Jasper.”

“Yes professor.”

“You do this in a purple clown outfit and a yellow wig?”

“Correct professor.”

The rest of the students still looked stunned at my revelation. They were not reacting. This conversation was just between us. Well, all but one of the students were still, silent, and covered in looks of horror but we’ll get to the last one later. The professor continued.

“And, every day you like to go to the park and kidnap a small child?” She was suppressing a smile, assuming I was joking.

“Correct professor.”

“Then what do you do?”

“I find out what they enjoy and give them the best day of their young lives.”

“Then you return them home?”

“Oh, no professor.”

“Then you…”

“Kill them professor.”

“Why would you do that?” She seemed like she was starting to believe.

“Well, I anesthetize them so they feel no pain. Then I slit their throats and dispose of the bodies. I do it so they die with a happy memory and don’t have to grow up in this screwed up world. It’s better for everyone.”

“You’re sick.” She was still trying to laugh it off.

She went for her phone then. I tackled her. The other students made a run for the door. The herd was stopped by a loud click as my girlfriend, who had moved into position, locked everyone in.

It was going to be a long semester.

Sometimes I love the deal.

#dark #shortstory #horror