Inevitable Realworld Scammers

The worst part is hearing your own self-deprecating thoughts echoed by people that are supposed to care for and about you.

Saturday, midnight, so technically it was Sunday. I sat at the computer with the usual windows open. Hunger gnawed at me. The Vienna Sausages from the dollar store were running low and the ramen was all but nonexistent. Perhaps when I finished I would fill up on water saltines. Tomorrow would be time enough to break open one of those precious packs of sodium flavored sustenance.

I paused to check my wallet. Green faced, bobble headed Abe Lincoln peered at me. I had just enough. After “breakfast” I would walk to the discount grocery store and pick up a wilted head of lettuce, a bruised tomato, one unintentionally dried mushroom, and a can of tuna. Once home I could add the last slice of processed American cheese and scrape questionable mayo out of the jar. Dinner for three days.

I would have a dollar left. Not enough for the bus but I prayed I had enough gas to get to the interview on Tuesday. I would probably run out on the way home but I would worry about that later, like when I was walking fifteen miles with my thumb out.

Finishing the inane questions I clicked submit. Instead of the ‘Your claim has been accepted’ message I got something else. At the same time the lights went out. I had been expecting it. Don’t pay the bill long enough and that happens. Thankfully the internet was still up at the moment.

I saw a counter that had started at thirty seconds. I had wasted ten. The message was cold.

Dear Long Term Unemployed;

 Your unemployment payments ended when the extension program terminated. Since that time efforts to renew have been made. All have failed as we feel it far more important to show separatists in other nations that they must bow to the will of their government. We feel the money is also better spent arming rebels that will inevitably turn against us in third world nations. We would much rather spend money you paid into the system on people who cannot vote for us.

Further, we do not want this issue raised during the election. We would like the unemployment numbers to go down. As one of the ways this is calculated is people filing claims, even when they are useless as no payments are forthcoming, we offer you this deal. Click below and we will pay you a lump sum of three million dollars. In return you will cease filing claims for the remainder of your life. You have thirty seconds to comply.

Sincerely,

Your Congress

I knew better than to click. The power was out, the internet would go soon. Once the laptop ran out of charge I wouldn’t even be able to job hunt. Next month the foreclosure would start. What the hell did I have to lose? I clicked the link and prayed.

The message was replaced by a new one, even colder.

We knew you were lazy. We knew you were looking for a handout. If you really wanted to work you would be. Your unemployment claim is denied. The process to demand a return of all funds due to fraud will be initiated on the next business day. Congratulations hippie.

I hate to waste water, but I began to weep.

#shortstory #anger #politicalcommentary #socialcommentary #writer #reneweuc